 I was 15 the first time I was diagnosed with cancer; 32 the second time. The first was a journey with Hodgkin’s disease when I was 15. It was more a journey that my parents went through. While I barely remember the details, my parents are still scarred from it. This second experience - with breast cancer this time - is my journey. I did all the work my parents previously did. I researched the doctors, the chemotherapy drugs, the risk of reoccurrence. This one’s all mine. And I won’t forget the details this time.
Years ago, I read the study that said that I was four times more likely to develop breast cancer because of the radiation I received as a child. And I read that it was even more likely to happen because I received it at the age I did. I knew I was supposed to begin having MRIs because I was considered high risk. I was working on getting my insurance to approve the MRI when Christina Applegate announced her battle with breast cancer. For some reason, this motivated me to really get it done.
An MRI and two biopsies later, I found myself with a benign fibroadenoma that the surgeon wanted to just wait and watch. I couldn’t live with that. I don’t think any cancer survivor wants to wait and watch anything. People don’t realize that we are already waiting and watching for something that doesn’t yet exist. So, when there’s really something there, we just want it out. So I insisted that it be removed. This is how my cancer was found.
I had my mastectomy on February 2. I would call it the most painful, uncomfortable, and awful experience of my life. I had people tell me that it wouldn’t hurt, that there is no feeling and no pain, that it’s easy compared to what I had been through before.They were all wrong. I woke up from surgery feeling very angry. I think it’s because I was just so mad that I had to go through this in the first place. It wasn’t right. I had already battled cancer once. Why did I have to do it again? But I got through it. I had immediate reconstruction and will have another surgery in August to complete it.
Right now I am halfway through chemotherapy and doing well. It’s much easier than it was when I was a teenager. But I am excited to be finished with treatments. Everyone keeps saying that my life will be back to normal then but I don’t think so. I don’t want my life to be normal again. Through this experience, I have come to know how loved I am by my family and friends. My husband, already a wonderful man, has revealed himself to be a kind and loving nurturer. He was there for me every step of the way, never giving it a second thought as he changed my drain tubes, brought me medicine, or just held me when there was nothing to say. Every single day he tells me how beautiful I am. which means so much because, with the scars and the bald head, I sometimes feel unrecognizable. My 15-month-old son Cole is my life. One day when he is older, I will tell him how much he helped me. Without him, I wouldn’t fight so hard or be so strong. I believe God gave him to me when he did because he knew I’d need him to get through this.
I’m so blessed to have a family who loves me so much. two sets of parents, three sisters, and four brothers who all care so much about me. Not a day goes by that someone is not calling or emailing to check on me. People who I considered acquaintances have now become friends. My coworkers have been supportive and encouraging. I have been surrounded by people who have continued to lift me up and help me remain positive. My faith in God has only been strengthened and I am working on a closer relationship with Him. Now I can say that I am a two-time cancer survivor and that makes me feel so strong and so proud.
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